In Case You Missed It: The Gratefulness Realization

Here is the most recent video on my channel! It is a life update-y sort of thing, so if you’re interested in why I’ve been on hiatus on my YouTube channel, it’s worth a watch.

If you like my content and would like to support me further than just hitting subscribe, I have a Patreon of which you can pledge as low as $1. You get rewards for being a monthly patron, such as extra content, early access videos, polls on new content and much more! Click here to check it out!

If you’re more into one time pledges, I also have a Ko-Fi, of which you can pledge here.

Thank you so much for the continued support, online and off. I wouldn’t be making videos without the excitement I have for books and support I gain from dear friends like you.

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My 2018 Resolutions

Yes, it’s February. And yes, I said a while ago on Twitter I would most likely be posting a video of my 2018 resolutions (both bookish and not), but I’m here writing a blog post. I’m kind of discouraged with my YouTube channel at the moment, but I’ll be talking about that later in this post.

Without further ado, let’s get into the resolutions!


2018-Resolutions

Bookish

1) Read at least fifty books.

Last year I got close to my goal; though I read 35-ish books out of my goal of 50. I’m of course going to be counting audiobooks and rereads. I chose this number because I know that it is not unachievable for me. I won’t be upset if I don’t reach the goal in 2018, but I’m going to try my best.

2) Read more audiobooks.

I read some excellent audiobooks in 2017. I started listening to them on the tail-end of December 2016, and it was probably the best decision I have ever made. Audiobooks are excellent for commuting, as I don’t have a car, and doing chores. In 2018 I want to consume even more audiobooks, as to up my reading count. I usually get audiobooks from Overdrive via my public library.

3) Set a monthly book buying budget/buy fewer books.

I’m definitely going to be working on this goal for the rest of this year. In January I ended up buying so many books, most of them being from Christmas gift cards, but still, it seemed like a lot when I really kept track. I also unhauled over 100 books from my shelves recently, most of them being unread, so I want to reduce my book buying so I can read more of the books that I buy and not just let them sit on the shelf.

4) Write a review (or film one) for every new book I read.

This is sure to be one of my hardest resolutions for this year. But, I really want to flex my writing muscles and have more of a variety of reviews on Reading Arsenal. Also, if I get my YouTube channel up and running again, I might film video book reviews.

5) Write at least one blog post each month.

I don’t want to leave my followers completely in the dark when I go months without posting something. I’m still working up the courage to figure out stuff related to my YouTube channel, so I haven’t included it in this resolution.

6) Use my public library more.

So far, at least in the month of January, I have been using my library quite a bit. Along with borrowing audiobooks, I have been borrowing physical books as well as e-books. I am also planning on volunteering (if I can get a spot) with the Friends of the Library. If you did not know, I have a Library Technician diploma. Therefore, any library-related experience would help me in my field.

7) Attempt Zero-By-2020.

You may have heard of the “Zero TBR By –” challenge, but if not, basically it means I want my physical to be read pile to have zero books by 2020. I was inspired by Amanda Center on YouTube, as she attempted Zero By 2017 (or 2018, I think). My current To Be Read count is currently set at around 200 books, so it is sure to be a great feat for me to try and do this.

8) Decide some things about my YouTube channel.

You may have noticed I haven’t been posting a lot on my YouTube channel lately, whether you are subscribed or are pledging to my Patreon. Life got away from me as I mentioned in my previous life update. The short of it is that I have overcome a whole lot as of now, but I’m still not posting videos like I would like to. I guess it’s my perfectionism, or perhaps I’m not used to editing or being in front of the camera.

Anyways, the decisions I’m going to be making, due to my changing feelings are:

Is making videos enjoyable for me anymore or is it just a chore? Am I comfortable enough with my abilities and confident enough to do the entire process? And finally, do I want to continue making videos?

I have been feeling this way for a few weeks now. I hope it just a phase because I remember really loving the entire process of making videos, even when I wasn’t able to make videos. I’m still wishing to be creative, but I honestly don’t know how to go about it anymore.

Does anyone have any tips for getting out a creative lull? Leave a comment below!

Life

9) Find a job.

I’m currently unemployed, so I don’t have a large income coming in. Luckily I have some money saved away, but that probably won’t last me for long. Currently, I’m finding it difficult to find positions, especially in retail (which is the only place I have experience) due to possibly the minimum wage being risen where I live and fewer jobs are being posted.

10) Stop lurking; start posting.

This goal is related to social media, such as Twitter and Instagram. I don’t post as often on Twitter as I used to, same with Instagram. If I try to post more, I think I can stretch my creative muscles with both writing and perhaps creative photography. I also want to occasionally start posting bookish related things on my Instagram.

11) Practice creative writing.

I love writing, seeing how long this post is. But, I really want to confidently say that I’m a creative writer. I haven’t been really writing creatively lately, but I definitely want to start. A far off dream of mine is to perhaps become an author, of what I’m still not sure. But, I still want to practice and hone my skills.


I hope you enjoyed my resolutions! Have I inspired you to start on your own resolutions? Would you like to share a few? Leave a comment down below!

An Update On My Life and My Mental Health

Being away for a while has kind of been my thing lately. Honestly, it’s getting to the point where apologies don’t really mean anything because I’ve said “I’m sorry” so many times the words have lost meaning and I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for. Whenever I get really low, where I’m spiralling and my emotions are out of control and my boyfriend is with me, he tells me to look out the window. He asks, “is the world ending?” I look out the window and the sun is shining and everything is normal. I sputter out a “no” because the world is not ending. For even a moment, and that’s enough, everything is gonna be okay.


I currently don’t have a job. That’s a sentence I’ve had to awkwardly explain to people because I do not want to go into my weeks of suicidal thoughts which led me to be admitted to hospital for the first time since I was sixteen. It was so tough, to finally to conclude that I wasn’t happy and really needed help.

My job at the time was so mindless and boring that I had to rethink my entire reality. I asked myself countless times, “Is this what I’m destined to do for the rest of my life?” The depression then snaked its way into my head saying that there shouldn’t be a rest of my life. It was so hard to admit that I was sick. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me that I couldn’t even handle a month of work at this job when my co-workers could handle it no problem.

To be honest, my time in the hospital didn’t really help me or teach me anything new. It felt like just a week where I was waiting so I didn’t feel a constant urge to kill myself. I didn’t feel any better realising that fact, honestly, it made me feel much worse.

I had my birthday this past Monday. Twenty-One. I also found out that I’m basically insurance-less and I can’t possibly afford my medication. Thankfully, my provincial government made it so medication is free for people under 25, which starts in January. Which is pretty much my saving grace.

I do have plans to make more content for ReadingArsenal on YouTube. I hope to film a book unhaul video when I’m feeling up for it (and when my office is a little more presentable). So life will go on. I’m hoping also to start applying for jobs in the very near future.

I’m so thankful for my family and friends who supported me during my difficult time. They truly made life worth living. I really want to make them proud of me.